Thursday, December 24, 2009

The Eve of the Celebration

Tonight is a special night, for tomorrow myself and many others celebrate the birth of Christ.  This evening many people are preparing last minute items for the big day.  Others are spending time with family or loved ones.  Its a special time for kids, the excitement builds for the big morning when they see what presents they may have.  Its a special night in so many ways for sure.  Its special for me, this is the first Christmas Eve in this house.  I really have to count my blessings on what I have.  I have a roof over my head when many are losing theirs, I have a job that enables me to live a good life, I can provide plenty for myself and extend that to others.  I'm really glad I have the means to fix this place up, I've turned it around from what it was, and it will get even better. The blogs have been a success from what everyone says, and my projects are getting plenty of interest all over the internet. I'd like to think I'm pretty humble, so it was tough for me to start promoting the things I do, I didn't want to come off as someone who is full of myself or someone that is just trying to get ahead.  Everyone is taking an interest to what I do, so its pretty cool, and we'll see what comes of it, I'm glad people can relate to what I do and say. Hopefully it gives some people new ideas or insight, or even something they can relate to, thats all I'm really looking to do.  When I look at everything I have going this Christmas Eve its pretty amazing and I am truly blessed.  I am really thankful for all of it, and all the friends and family that have gone above and beyond the last few months.  Its interesting, there are no gifts under this homemade tree.  All the gifts I need are all around me.

I was expecting this Christmas season to be totally different than it is.  So its definitely bittersweet sitting here this Christmas Eve.  Being here in this house, thinking about how life has changed, thinking about what tonight was supposed to be like.  Its a struggle for sure.  For me it goes back to my first blog post.  What's in my heart still isn't here.  My heart has this missing piece, and only one thing can fill it.  Its amazing how awesome everything is going, yet how one part of the heart can make things so difficult.  I always knew what was in my heart was important, I always knew what it meant, this isn't one of those moments of you don't know what its got until its gone. I'm not that guy, I appreciate every moment, I'm not oblivious to it.  This is a moment when you know what you're missing, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.  As you can see from my blogs I am the sort of person that gets things done, that makes something out of nothing.  So for me, when you can't make something happen, because no matter what you do, the outcome has nothing to do with you, its like being bound and gagged. I hope I've done what I can, it seems I've done all I can do and more, and probably too much.  So I sit here this Christmas Eve and pray for help that I get what I'm really missing inside.  I'm going to watch the lights dim, I'm going to celebrate the Birth of Christ, and I'm going to thank God for everything I have, cause right now I need to trust in the fact he has given me all I need at this time.

Merry Christmas to all!

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